Image Hosted by

This is my first ever happy new year :) 01 Jan 2013 ; 01:45am
You know I had actually not reflected on new years but the new york philharmonic was on pbs playing "somewhere" from west side story and I was WEEPING. "There's a place for us... hold my hand and we're halfway there." WOW. I think throughout 2013 I will be doing a lot of "one year ago today X happened" it's only a couple weeks to the anniversary of my anorexic exhaustive collapse. I fucking marvel at what I accomplished in 2012. Getting rid of abusive ass psycho was really only symptom relief, I cured the disease. The act of standing up for myself and saying "I do not deserve to be treated this way" shattered me to the core. I shook off the shackles of two fucking decades of depression, guilt addiction, and low self esteem. I told God I would rather destroy my life than live another day as that person. And now I'm happy and healthy and free. Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Did you think of something?

20 Nov 2012 ; 08:40pm
Being without cameras is a little bizarre for me at the end of 2012. I really began enjoying taking pictures in 2006 but at the beginning of this year it became something I HAD to do, something personally defining. Photography became a way of being, for me. I never once left the house intending to take pictures of anything, I didn't take pictures every time I left the house, and truthfully I didn't have a concrete philosophy on how or when or why to take pictures. But often I would feel primally, cosmically compelled to take pictures of the world around me and I wouldn't be sure if the captured image was a gift from me to God or a gift from God to me. (God/Mother Earth/Universe)

I feel like since the cameras have been broken (and AWOL charger for the one I fixed), I've had these moments, encounters, and/or experiences that I never would have been able to photograph in any way... for example, one afternoon in November at the Oceanside Pier, I found this strange dotted trail on the beach, a tiny ruffled line, and I traced it 20 yards to a shoe print. I turned around and followed it in the other direction, another 20 yards past the point where I started. The line began to loop and curl, getting thicker and deeper, and there at the very end was a bee, at death's door, legs barely still twitching.

I looked around to see who was near me. There was no one, really. But I wanted to grab someone and say, "Come look at this!!! Do you see that this bee died under that shoe and just kept going and going and going? Did you have any idea a dead bee could crawl so fucking far?" I craned my neck around in every direction, trying to catch anyone's eye. I just wanted to acknowledge this discovery and without a camera I didn't know how.

And then I looked behind me at the late afternoon Winter sun, and a thin layer of clouds stretching over the entire western sky caused a massive circular rainbow that ended at the horizon but was about 85% ring.

I took it all in at once with my eyes- the bee's funeral march arching across the sand that was freckled with empty opened mussels like stone butterflies, under the massive hazy rainbow ring, in the shadow of the breathtaking pier in silhouette. There was no way in a trillion years to photograph that scene. Trying would have been an epic waste of that moment.

Since I have had no cameras, this type of thing has been happening to me all of the time.


Photography has taught me a lot about how the mind works, pertaining to vision and subsequently informing all other aspects of brain function. A lot of things you cannot photograph because it is a trick of the light that is fooling your brain in a way that the camera can't be fooled. Your brain takes a lot of things into consideration other than the visual input when it is interpreting what you see. A lot of things you can't photograph (especially in the natural world) because the visual essence of the thing lies in its motion (I have discovered this to be true regarding the vast majority of clouds). And certain colors can't be captured- dimensions of colors expand at the ocean in their own way (like they do in the forest of the desert or at really high altitude. Like I found photography in the Sequoias to be almost totally useless).

I suppose that it was time for me to step back from photography and reflect on what it means to me. Why I do it. How I do it. The purpose of the images... to step back from Being A Photographer to just Being. Just seeing and taking notice of things without feeling like I have to do something to be a part of it- being part of it just by being physically there, being a human, existing. Not needing the captured image to feel like I received the gift. Not needing to acquire the image to give/offer as thanks. I have learned real gratitude, I have learned real being.
























Did you think of something?

14 Oct 2012 ; 07:40pm
Said this on FB the other day :

"I guess the main point is that it actually took me forever
to feel at home by the ocean, and today I realized that it
will always be my home, and in a way always has been,
because the Earth is my home, and there is no better gift
I possibly could have been given right now..."

For the first time as a writer I am overwhelmed by how much I have to say about something, and legitimately challenged by the task of capturing it. Here's the first half-mile of this marathon...

.....magic Earth part 1Collapse )
Did you think of something?

Writer's Block: Words to Live by 03 Jan 2012 ; 12:55pm
"Where do you go to think? I'll meet you there." ~Bill Hicks, a social-commentary comedian, after a heckler shouted that he doesn't come to comedy clubs to think.
Did you think of something?

31 Dec 2010 ; 10:27pm

Did you think of something?

it's time... 07 Feb 2008 ; 10:55am
I am absolutely, definitely, completely, 100% ready and in need of a name change token for this damn journal!!!
8 action potentials | Did you think of something?

I hearts tree! 15 Oct 2007 ; 02:06pm

1 action potential | Did you think of something?

cocktus 06 Oct 2007 ; 05:14pm
this entry is for anyone who has noticed my absence from LJ but mostly for Hilde. Here is a cactus in my aunt and uncle's sunroom:

2 action potentials | Did you think of something?

31 Jul 2007 ; 04:45pm

2 action potentials | Did you think of something?

13 Jul 2007 ; 04:33pm

Did you think of something?

music agains 05 May 2007 ; 12:29pm
Tim Armstrong backed by the Aggrolites - I heart this video!!!

Did you think of something?

21 Apr 2007 ; 10:08pm
Transgender student runs for prom king

"We live in a generation now where dudes are chicks and chicks are dudes."
2 action potentials | Did you think of something?

02 Apr 2007 ; 02:28pm
Enzyme Converts All Blood to Type O

The breakthrough could mean an end to shortages of the universal
blood type used for all emergency transfusions made when there is
no time to determine the recipient's blood type

By Thomas H. Maugh II
April 2, 2007

Researchers have perfected an inexpensive and efficient way to convert types A, B and AB blood into type O, the universal-donor blood that can be given to anyone — an achievement that promises to make transfusions safer and to relieve shortages of type O blood.

The team reported Sunday in the journal Nature Biotechnology that they isolated bacterial enzymes that safely remove from red blood cells the sugar molecules that provoke an immune reaction in the recipient.

Previous studies of type O blood produced from type B by a different method have shown it to be both safe and effective, and the researchers are now conducting clinical trials with the new product.

Mismatching of blood causes at least half of all transfusion-related deaths. And the need for precisely matched blood is behind the costly and inefficient process of shuttling blood units back and forth between regional blood banks and hospitals to match daily requirements.

"Those issues could be largely resolved if there were a universally transfusible blood supply," said Douglas L. Clibourn, chief executive of ZymeQuest Inc. in Beverly, Mass., which is developing the technology.

The problem involves sugar molecules on the surface of red blood cells. Type A blood has one set of sugars and type B has another, whereas type O has none. People with type A blood have antibodies against the type B sugars, people with type B have antibodies against type A, and people with type O have antibodies against both. (Link)

If a person receives mismatched blood, the antibodies attack red blood cells, producing a potentially fatal breakdown of the cells.

In the 1980s, researchers isolated an enzyme from coffee beans that could convert type B to type O. Clinical trials of the enzyme-produced blood showed it behaved no differently from normal blood in hospitalized patients.

But the enzymes involved were very expensive and had to be used under highly acidic conditions that damaged the red cells. And the research team could not able to find an enzyme that would convert type A to type O. So development was halted.

ZymeQuest commissioned cellular biologist Henrik Clausen of the University of Copenhagen to search for new enzymes to carry out the conversion.

Clausen and his team investigated more than 2,500 bacteria and fungi before they identified the two candidates that were cited in the Nature Biotechnology report.

The discovery could be a major breakthrough in improving the blood supply, wrote Geoff Daniels of Britain's Bristol Institute for Transfusion Sciences in an editorial accompanying the article.

The new enzymes are 100 to 1,000 times more potent than previously used ones and, more important, they work at room temperature and neutral pH, which is very good for blood cells, said Dr. Martin L. Olsson of Lund University in Sweden, who is overseeing the clinical trials. In an hour, the enzymes remove all the sugar molecules from the surface of red blood cells, after which they can be easily washed away.

The team initially isolated blood from healthy individuals, converted the red cells to type O and injected them back into the donors, said Olsson.

After that study showed no problems, they began a larger clinical trial using donor blood. Olsson said there had been no adverse reactions to the product; he would not comment further on the results.

Clibourn said he expected results from the trial to be available later this year.

If the trials are successful, ZymeQuest will manufacture a system that can be used by blood banks and hospitals to convert donor blood into type O as necessary.

6 action potentials | Did you think of something?

the adventures of Tree Girl 16 Mar 2007 ; 09:14pm
I was suprised to get home from my hike and find so many pictures on my phone. I don't remember taking that many! I ambled through the forest for hours and hours, often cutting away from the trail to chill with my thoughts next to the raging waters in the shadiest corners of the gorge, with the trees and the ferns and the mossy rocks. Even though I haven't been back there in way, way too long, I was easily remembering hidden secret places with a fierce familiarity.

I cannot believe how long it has been since I went home.

And by home I mean thisCollapse )
10 action potentials | Did you think of something?

Nice web, Mr. Crack Spider... 07 Mar 2007 ; 10:00am

this is the best thing I have ever seen on the internets.

1 action potential | Did you think of something?

long overdue music post 27 Feb 2007 ; 09:44am
Behind the cut, are too many .mp3's for your free download pleasure. Once I get started making a music post, it's hard to stop!

+20Collapse )
11 action potentials | Did you think of something?

the greatest thing is to know that what you don't know, you don't know 19 Feb 2007 ; 03:05pm

Diploma!!!!!! it's just a thing, and it doesn't mean I am better or smarter, but it means I worked really, really hard. for years. Bachelor of Science!!!! lookit I am proud!!!

Save A Bread by Justin Hinds & the Dominos

"Today can be gladness, mister, you don't know
Tomorrow can be sadness, sister, you don't know
What makes the world go round, round and round?
You'll never know, you don't know

So save a bread, mister, save it for the future
Save a bread, sister, because things will be better
You know not the minute nor the hour man shall come
You know not the minute nor the hour, the time is now

What you know, you know, and what you don't know, you don't know
The greatest thing is to know that what you don't know, you don't know
Anywhere you go, what you don't know, you don't know"
7 action potentials | Did you think of something?

all my other skills are useless too 11 Feb 2007 ; 03:03am

"I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze..."
~Weird Al, White & Nerdy

my top minesweeper score has stood for eight months, I thought I would never beat it again...

I just beat my top score by marking 99 bombs in 86 seconds. what.
6 action potentials | Did you think of something?

this makes me feel some type of way, part 2 08 Feb 2007 ; 05:15pm
this morning, I found a photo on the front page of the paper that literally brought tears to my eyes...

Bones Tell Prehistoric Love Story
Wednesday, February 7, 2007 4:36 PM EST
The Associated Press

They died young and, by the looks of it, in love. Two 5,000-year-old skeletons found locked in an embrace near the city where Shakespeare set the star-crossed tale "Romeo and Juliet" have sparked theories the remains of a far more ancient love story have been found.

Archaeologists unearthed the skeletons dating back to the late Neolithic period outside Mantua, 25 miles south of Verona, the city of Shakespeare's story of doomed love.

Buried between 5,000 and 6,000 years ago, the prehistoric pair are believed to have been a man and a woman and are thought to have died young, because their teeth were found intact, said Elena Menotti, the archaeologist who led the dig.

"As far as we know, it's unique," Menotti told The Associated Press by telephone from Milan. "Double burials from the Neolithic are unheard of, and these are even hugging."

Archaeologists digging in the region have found some 30 burial sites, all single, as well as the remains of prosperous villages filled with artifacts made of flint, pottery and animal horns.

Although the Mantua pair strike an unusual and touching pose, archaeologists have found other prehistoric burials in which the dead hold hands or have other contact, said Luca Bondioli, an anthropologist at Rome's National Prehistoric and Ethnographic Museum.

Bondioli, who was not involved in the Mantua dig, said the find has "more of an emotional than a scientific value." But it does highlight how the relationship people have with each other and with death has not changed much from the period in which humanity first settled in villages, learning to farm the land and tame animals, he said.

"The Neolithic is a very formative period for our society," he said. "It was when the roots of our religious sentiment were formed."

Menotti said the burial was "a ritual, but we have to find out what it means."

Experts might never determine the exact nature of the pair's relationship, but Menotti said she had little doubt it was born of a deep sentiment.

"It was a very emotional discovery," she said. "From thousands of years ago we feel the strength of this love. Yes, we must call it love."

The couple's burial site was located Monday during construction work for a factory in the outskirts of Mantua. Alongside the couple, archaeologists found flint tools, including arrowheads and a knife, Menotti said.

Experts will now study the artifacts and the skeletons to determine the burial site's age and how old the two were when they died, she said. The finds will then go on display at Mantua's Archaeological Museum.

Establishing the cause of death could prove almost impossible, unless they were killed by a debilitating disease, a knife or something else that might have left marks on the bones, Menotti said.

The two bodies, which cuddle closely while facing each other on their sides, were probably buried at the same time, an indication of a possible sudden and tragic death, Bondioli said.

He said DNA testing could determine whether the two were related, "but that still leaves other hypotheses; the Romeo and Juliet possibility is just one of many."

4 action potentials | Did you think of something?

It's for the kids! 07 Feb 2007 ; 12:05am
at the oak creek wildlife area in washington state...Collapse )
11 action potentials | Did you think of something?

[venture -- earlier]

Uprite Dub Girl
All the News That's Fit to Print

Left Hand Side
On Lisa Rein's Radar
Uprite Dub Orchestra
Strong Bad Email
Free Will Astrology: Aries
Action Potentials